God grant me the Senility to
forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference. Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:
I started out with nothing,
and I still have most of it.
My wild oats have turned into
prunes and All Bran.
I finally got my head
together; now my body is falling apart.
Funny, I don't remember being
absent minded...
All reports are in; Life is
now officially unfair.
If all is not lost, where is
it?
It is easier to get older than
it is to get wiser.
Some days you're the dog; some
days you're the hydrant.
I wish the buck stopped here;
I sure could use a few...
Kids in the back seat cause
accidents.
Accidents in the back seat
cause...kids.
It's hard to make a comeback
when you haven't been anywhere.
Only time the world beats a
path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
If God wanted me to touch my
toes, he would have put them on my knees.
When I'm finally holding all
the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
It's not hard to meet
expenses...they're everywhere.
The only difference between a
rut and a grave is the depth.
These days, I spend a lot of
time thinking about the hereafter...I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what
I'm here after.